We Meet Our New Addition

After just short of 12 hours of labor we finally met our son. Devlin Phillip Hill born at 5:56 p.m. He was 5 lbs. 7 oz. and 17.5 inches long.  

They began the Pitocin to get my contractions going at 6:00 am. It took a while before my body developed a good contraction pattern of 2-3 minutes apart.  Once they had administered the right amount of Pitocin for my body, the contractions kept coming and things went perfectly.   I didn't feel uncomfortable until about 11:30 am.  At that time I was dilated to 2 1/2 cm and I just wanted to take the edge off to get some rest.  They gave me a medication called Nubane which usually allows women in labor to relax and get comfortable.  However in 30 minutes, the pain went from an uncomfortable feeling to a "what the hell was I thinking" feeling.  By noon the anesthesiologist came in and worked his magic by giving me the epidural.  The epidural was probably the most painful, and uncomfortable part of the whole "laboring" experience.  The doctor was great, but I could actually feel the needles going into my spine and it was rather disturbing.  I never felt like I was out of control which was really really great.  I felt like I handled the pain really well and I was really surprised it wasn't worse.

Once the epidural took effect I actually felt crappy.  I am not sure if I can explain it any different, other than I didn't feel myself and I just felt uneasy.  It took the pain away, and I only felt pressure, but I also felt sick and really weird.  My legs were tingly and numb, my arm with the IV kept going to sleep.  It was not the relief I was expecting or that I remembered when I had it with Derek, but I wouldn't have done anything different.  I definitely wouldn't have tried to have had a "natural" childbirth.  Marty stood by my side the whole time and tried to be as comforting and supportive as possible.  My mom, Beautiful Bobbie, Aunt Terri, Grandma and Loressa all stayed for the whole thing from start to finish. They were really great, and it was so nice to have them all here!  I know it was a long day but it was filled with excitement.

From 12-4 I went from 2 1/2 cm to 4 cm.  From 4 to 5 I went from 4 cm to 7 cm, and from 5 to 5:35 I went from 7 cm to 10 cm.  I pushed once and the nurse saw his head, at which point she called the doctor in and the NICU team.  Once everyone was set up I pushed one more time and his head was out.  The rest of his body came out shortly after and he was screaming at the top of his lungs.  He did not sound happy, it's cold out here on the outside world!

Currently he is not getting enough oxygen.  They are giving him oxygen to assist in his breathing.  In order for him to go home, he will need to be able to tolerate feedings (I am pumping breast milk), keep his temperature up, and breathe well on his own.  I am guessing he will be here about a week, but it could be sooner and the nurses say it could be longer. Everyday he will hit another milestone.  They are going to keep a close eye on him to look for signs of jaundice which is very common in premature babies.

At this time, we don't really want any visitors for a few reasons.  One, we are not even able to hold Devlin.  Due to him being on oxygen and his age they don't want to disturb him for the next few days as he is trying to get stronger.  The other reason we don't want visitors is the NICU is very cramped and we are under a lot of stress with him being in there.  When we receive a release date from the Neonatologist we will announce it and welcome anyone to the house who would like to see him.  I am exhausted after this whole ordeal, so I would like some time to recover and transition back to our day to day routine.  I am going home tomorrow, but I will be juggling my time from the house and the NICU until he is released.  If I don't answer my phone when you call, please understand our circumstances and don't take it personally I want to talk but I need some time.  

If you have any questions you can always email me or call my mother.  I am trying to keep the blog as detailed as possible, and I look forward to seeing a lot of you at my shower in a couple of weeks.  By then, I should feel a lot better and Devlin should be home.  Thanks for all of your prayers and support.  I can't tell you how much we appreciate it!  Loressa created a birth album online so if you have not seen it or didn't get the invitation just send me an email and I will forward the invitation for all to see.  I am also taking more photos today so I will add more to the blog later.

Tomorrow Is The Big Day

I woke up with a migraine this morning, so the lights have been out, drapes have been closed and I have been resting all day.  Tomorrow is the big day we meet our little guy.  I'm getting excited but feeling badly, and not getting much sleep.  I will have photo's tomorrow to update the blog so everyone can see what he looks like :)

Nerves

It is getting harder to rest and I am getting increasingly nervous.  I hope he is ready to come out! He doesn't have much of a choice, but hopefully he will cooperate and come quickly.  I hope the contractions I have had up until now have softened my cervix and I am already dilated at least a little bit.  I just don't want a long dragged out labor again.  I was in labor for 72 hours with Derek. It was way too long!

Tomorrow I will catch up on all the shows from this week, watch a few movies and try and get a good nights rest before Friday.  I rented 40 Year Old Virgin, and a few other movies to keep me entertained and my mind busy.  I figure tomorrow will be the longest day I have had here.  

 

3 Days

I can't hardly believe that I am down to the last few days.  It has felt like an eternity in here.  I am still trying to picture myself holding this baby, and feeling him in my arms for the first time.  It's all so surreal.  I am really getting more uncomfortable by the day.  The back and stomach cramps are getting old, as are the contractions I have had.

My chances of taking him home are extremely slim!  He is probably going to be here for a short period of time.  Up to about two weeks as long as there isn't anything seriously wrong with him, and as of now everything looks great.  I am praying for a quick, safe delivery; I've also been praying for a healthy baby.  I really really hope all goes well!  I just need to prepare myself to go home without him though.  Prepare for the worst and hope for the best!  

Erik and his girlfriend Lisa are on there way out to see me this evening.  I am excited to see them!  It's been 3 weeks since I have seen Erik, which is a long time for me to go without seeing my brother.  I am surprised they are coming out today because I know they were planning on coming out after the baby is born.  Twice in a week is pretty good for Erik, he hates this drive.

I will say that I have been very fortunate to have friends and family see me everyday.  It helps the time go by quicker that's for sure.  I get more and more tired as the days go on and I am not moving around too much.  I'm not sleeping well through the night and so I have been making up for the sleep deprivation during the day.  I think it's my body's way of preparing itself to be up all hours of the day and night.  

Apparently the labor and delivery floor is full tonight and they are understaffed.  The good news is that I usually don't ask for much at night, so it makes no difference to me.  I have put in a request for the labor nurse that I want to have for Friday.  She has become familiar with my family, and I know she will have no problem telling anyone to leave if they talk too much.  I really want to be left alone during labor.  I need to be able to focus and breathe through my contractions without any distractions.  That would be difficult with the loud mouths in my family.  Terri is so nervous you would think she was going to be the one giving birth.  She is the one person I trust to shut up, well her and Loressa.  My mother will not be able to help herself, Marty for sure will break the rules and my grandma will try and pat my arm at the absolute wrong time.  Beautiful Bobbie will try and make me laugh guaranteed, and yes all these people will be in the room while I am in labor.  If they don't bother me, they can stay for the delivery as long as their heads aren't in my crotch checking things out.  That spot is reserved for my doctor and the nurse.  

We are going to video the delivery, but not the nasty view.  Mainly just when he comes out and they clean him all up.  Hopefully I will get to see him for a few minutes before they whisk him away but I am not trying to get my hopes up.  The benefit of having a vaginal delivery is that I will get to head over to the NICU after everything is said and done and see him.  I will also get a report on what's going on with him health wise.

Well, I need a break from the computer.  My eyes are getting tired and my head is starting to ache.  I need to relax before my visitors arrive.  They are coming kind of late for me.  Normally I am on my way to la la land.

Counting Down

The countdown is becoming more surreal at this point.  In just five days it will be time to deliver this baby, and for my head to spin!  Marty has been reading up on child birth education, what the husband can do to be supportive.  We weren't able to take a class unfortunately.  The want you to wait until around 3 weeks before your delivery date to take the classes.  We had just got the pamphlet at my last doctors appointment on the 31st of December to sign up for classes in February, and the very next day I ended up in here on bed rest.  They had a daddy boot camp class but Marty is not into "bonding" with other men he doesn't know.  He says he would rather learn how to change diapers from Derek.  Derek has decided he is ready to show Marty what to do with the baby for a fee, $20 per day.  Erik would be so proud.  He is such an entrepreneur.  

Still working on getting through the Bones TV series.  I am on the 3rd season, and I should finish it by today.  I am trying to spread my shows out over the course of the week so that I am entertained all hours of the day.  This series has kept me busy for quite some time now.  I am going to give Marty a list of videos I want from Blockbuster I think.  In case I can't spread this out.  I technically only need to stay busy today thru Thursday because Friday is delivery day. That isn't too many days, so I am sure I can find something to occupy my time.  I started a new show called Lie to Me and it is really good.  Once I get out of here I am going to be hooked to so many shows and there won't be time to watch them all.  Not with a new baby at home anyway. Even with Tivo!  

I am really happy that Derek is still in school and this isn't a summer baby.  This will allow me time to really bond with the little guy and he won't be jealous.  Once he gets out of school I can put the baby in the swing and help him with homework.  I have been trying to put together a schedule of how I think things should run in the house.  In the beginning it won't be too tough since babies like to sleep, but I will just have to take it one day at a time.  I know I am going to be exhausted, especially with the pumping schedule.  I want to go back to Weight Watchers, and back to an exercise routine.  I will join my aunt for meetings on Saturdays.  I am probably going to need a few weeks to adjust before I start.  We shall see, hopefully the weight pours off of me. Since I will be nursing it will help!

I didn't get much sleep again last night so I am going to rest for now.  I am just getting increasingly nervous and anxious.  It's hard to rest when you are thinking about getting out of here.  I am so excited to get home I don't know what to do with myself!  I can't wait to shower in my own shower, sleep in my own bed, pet my dogs and eat home cooked food.  I am tired of the food in the basement, as well as the food from the restaurants around here.  So good night for now, I will update if there are any changes later today otherwise I will be back on here tomorrow.

Baby Weight

This morning I had my last visit with the Perinatologist group.  Hooray!  Less opinions are better at this point because it really does get very confusing and upsetting.  One say's the sky is blue, another say's it's gray.  It does get quite annoying!  Today he estimated the baby's weight by measuring different parts of his body using the ultrasound machine.  I actually filmed it because I found it interesting, and the baby might like to watch it down the line.  I am going to have to start burning these videos to DVD's and storing them properly, instead of saving them to the computer alone.  Anyway, apparently he has a big head...not good for me as I have to push him out.  He weighs 5 lbs. + or - 1 lb.  So he could weigh as little as 4 lbs. or as much as 6 lbs.  We won't know the actual weight until he is born, however the good news is that he is big and has a good chance of coming home with me next Sunday.

My shower is on the 21st of February and he will be attending, however anyone who would like to see him before the shower is welcome to visit us at our home.  I think my mom is going to be staying with us, but we are going to take it one day at a time and see how much help we need in the beginning.  She will be there everyday though, cooking and helping to look after our little guy :)  I imagine Aunt Terri will be there as well quite a bit.  She wants this baby to like her more than Nick, since Derek prefers Uncle Nick.  She is also quite fond of babies, and is more excited over his arrival than perhaps anyone else other than myself.  She has been losing sleep and fretting over his arrival; she really likes to worry!

This week I am going to be putting together a menu of all the food I want cooked when I get home.  I am going to want some Paula Deen home cooking.  My mom is good at that, as long as I pay close attention that she uses real butter instead of margarine.  I am going to send Marty out to Costco and the grocery store on Saturday in preparation for the baby and I to come home on Sunday.  This way my mother will have all the ingredients she needs for the recipes and I can be sure that the "good stuff" is being used.  Derek has to accompany Marty to the grocery store so if he is unable to locate an item he will be sure to ask the clerk.  Marty doesn't like to ask for direction or help, but Derek doesn't like to see me upset :)  He is a smart boy!

So 6 days left to go.  I am really looking forward to getting him out and going home!  My dogs are surely going to be ecstatic as well.  I will need to keep the leash on Amos (our puppy Mastiff weighing 220 lbs.) for about a week for him to learn the new rules when I get home.  He only listens to me, and Marty baby's him.  He does everything Cesar Milan say's not to do which makes him a bad pet owner, and the sucker!  When I get mad the dogs rush over to Marty. Let's hope his parenting skills will be better, however I think he will be a sucker for this child as well.  We shall see!  Derek is looking forward to being a big brother, and we are allowing him to skip school on Friday to stay with my dad.  This way, no matter what time the baby is delivered Derek will get here and be able to see him right after.  We decided if the baby goes to the NICU, Marty will wait for Derek to get here and allow him to be the first to visit.  He will feel special!  We just want to make sure he is included in everything, other than the delivery itself.  I don't need to ruin that image for years to come and poison his brain.  It's already bad enough that Marty thinks he should watch him come out!  My uncle has been trying to tell him it's a very bad idea and it will be an image he will never be able to get out of his brain.  Marty is stubborn though, and curious.  I've just informed him no pictures or video will be taken from that end!  No thanks, I don't need to see it.  I want the nurses to clean the baby before they even put him on me.

It's now time for a nap.  My mom will be arriving some time this afternoon with my clean nightgowns and then I can shower.  In the meantime, I need to catch up on some much needed rest.  I am still not sleeping well at night.

Fantasy

So many women in this stage of their pregnancy have already fantasized about what it will be like to hold, nurse, cradle and love their baby.  They are putting the finishing touches on the nursery, making sure the car seat is installed correctly, packing their overnight bags for the hospital, and really preparing for this big day!  These fantasy's didn't really start for me until this week.  It still seems surreal that this is happening.  I cannot believe that in a week from today I will have another baby.  When I had Derek I was not as scared, I was young and stupid.  Now, I have life experience, a husband who loves me more than life itself and a family for support!  These are all good things to have, I know we will survive the first few weeks.  I just know it's going to be a bit tough!

My body has not been letting me rest as much as I need to.  I am tired but there are so many interruptions going on here right now.  I have to pee constantly, I am having trouble getting out of bed because I feel like I have a watermelon attached to me, and I am getting nervous about the delivery.  Like really nervous.  I am nervous he won't be okay mostly.  I am worried that he will have health issues and that I won't be able to take him home for awhile.  I find that nerve racking because I know how important it is to bond with him just after he is born.  Today was the first day I have really dreamed about holding the baby after the delivery.  I can almost feel him in my arms, and I am filled with joy and love.  I've just gotten to point emotionally that I didn't think I would ever get to, which is that I think this is actually going to happen and mine and my husbands dreams are coming true.  We are actually going to have a baby together.  It's becoming a lot to handle but I am taking it one day at a time.  It's the only way to cope with all of this.

As the days get closer, the nights get more restless, the nerves get stronger, and the excitement is building.  Knowing there is an end in sight.  If I deliver before 12 on Friday night, it means I can actually pack my bags and go home on Sunday.  It's almost unbelievable.  I will have spent 5 1/2 weeks in a hospital bed on bed rest.  If I make it to Friday without delivering him before than I know I will feel really down and out if I won't be able to take him home.  I thought I was pretty well prepared, and well, I am prepared as I can be with having to leave him behind.  Fortunately, they say statistically his stay in the NICU wouldn't be for too long however every baby is different.

My baby shower is coming up in a few weeks and it looks as if he will be joining the celebration.  That will make all my aunties happy, as well as anyone else who hasn't had a chance to meet the little guy!  Hopefully he is a calm baby.  Derek was a very calm and soothing baby.  I am looking forward to the shower a lot.  It will be special if everyone is able to meet him.  I may become a bit jealous with all the passing around :) but I get to go home with him.  I will have something nice to add to his album for the first year of his life.  

It's getting late and I am finally yawning so I am going to head off to sleep.  I should be getting a growth scan ultrasound performed tomorrow morning, so I will definitely write what his estimated weight should be.  My doctor needs to know before she performs the delivery.  Not that it changes the induction date or anything, but it may change in the care he is to receive and they may need to prepare us for something.  Either way, I should have details tomorrow to share.  Good night!

Still Waiting

I have been dreaming about my next vacation.  I really need to hop into some clear water and do some snorkeling.  I have thought about the Mexican Riviera Cruise because it wouldn't require a flight with a baby, however he must be at least 6 months of age and I don't think I can wait that long.  There is nothing like clear beautiful water, fish, coral and a snorkel in your mouth with a mask covering your face.  I figure I have to go some place appealing so I can convince my mom and dad it's a good idea to go.  That way they can watch the baby while Marty, Derek and I all snorkel.  It may be time to just hop on a plane to Hawaii.  My dad can't refuse Hawaii.  There are so many deals right now, I am just itching to travel.

It's evening now and I have survived another day.  We are now down to single digits for the delivery.  9 days as of today, 8 days beginning tomorrow.  I will be medicated with those beautiful "magic pills" soon and off to the twilight zone. Well, that's until the nurse comes in to molest me.  They have to move the monitors around constantly to always make sure they can watch your contractions.  So every time I trade sides they come in to move the monitors.  I might as well get used to it though because once the baby is born he is going to wake up and cry anyway.  About the time I get relaxed it will be time for him to eat again.  Considering I have to pump every hour and a half.  I will also have to practically force feed the kid because if he doesn't gain weight rapidly they will admit him into the hospital and put a feeding tube down his throat.  

I didn't feel myself at all today.  I did get up out of bed for a little while secretly and walk around in my room.  I was so worn out after 20 minutes I had to take a nap.  The rest of the day I felt kind of crappy and now I am cramping and achey.  I can't quite tell what is making me feel this way.  If I am lucky I will be going into labor, but my luck hasn't been real strong during this pregnancy.  I was fortunate enough to get pregnant, and many aren't able too, but other than that it has been one thing after the next.

I finally ordered the car seat today.  I was having trouble choosing one because I kept reading everyone's reviews.  Some are too heavy and bulky, others don't feel safe.  Oh, I am having a big contraction at the moment.  Hooray!  I never thought I would be cheering for contractions!  Anyway, we decided on the Maxi Cosi car seat because it's supposed to be light weight and great for preemies.  Marty is picking it up tomorrow morning from the store.  Get this, the hospital requires you to have the car seat installed properly by a car seat specialist.  Can you believe that?  Turns out, our neighbor is certified in car seat installation.  What kind of bullshit is that?  A certification in installing a car seat.  I would like to know where you go to school for that certification, and how long the course is exactly?!  Marty is taking my car to get detailed and then he is going to call the neighbor over to install the car seat.  The hospital offers to install your car seat for a fee.  It's just ridiculous!

I am gearing my brother up to buy the stroller.  We want a really outrageously expensive stroller but it's really cool and you don't have to use a high chair when you go to restaurants. It's the Stokke Xplory stroller.  I am actually excited over this stroller.  I wouldn't register for it because I felt like an idiot for wanting something so expensive, and I thought people would look at it as ridiculous.  They will, it is $1400 with tax.  I can't help it though.  We went stroller shopping a while back looking for what we wanted and we drove them all around the stores. This one was just so damn cool!  It's really high up, you don't have to bend over.  I am lazy so that sounds great!  You keep the baby faced towards you as well, so other people don't come over and try and stick their hands in your stroller.  My hand will be in beating distance if they do.  I don't know why strangers feel the need to stick their hands in your baby's face and touch! I hope they don't do it when Marty has him or he will go crazy.  

It's one of my favorite nights of the week, American Idol is on.  Yes!  I am gearing up for the Hollywood auditions!  Those are the best episodes, when all the contestants are irritated with each other and the judges.  Well, it's starting now so I must focus my attention on the tv now.  

Disappointed and Still Waiting

I had the worst day emotionally since I have been here today.  Yesterday I had contractions in a steady pattern from 12:00 p.m. to 3:00 a.m. this morning.  The evening nurse felt certain that the doctor would go ahead and induce labor this morning instead of letting this linger on.  Come to find out the most conservative Perinatologist in the practice was doing rounds this morning and he decided against it.  If I would have had any of the others, I felt pretty good about my chances of an induction.  I was just so drained.  I didn't sleep all night and I expected to have the baby by today.  I figured with a vaginal delivery I would be going home by tomorrow.  All the nurses and doctors that were working yesterday were certain it was labor.  The contractions just kept coming and coming, they didn't let up and the intensity was strong.  They even gave me some pain medication which I really regret taking because I felt it hindered the labor.  Everything came to a screaming halt this morning!  I was really pissed!

So today, I kept the drapes closed and the lights off and cried the whole day.  This baby is so damn stubborn.  I have 10 more days, 9 starting tomorrow until the scheduled induction.  Actually they are going to give me something to soften my cervix if it needs softening next Thursday evening, and then begin the pitocin on Friday morning.  Either way he should be born on the or by the 6th of February.  The nurses and doctors did say that I have a really good chance of having him before then, but I have decided not to get my hopes up again.  I also have decided no pain medication until the contractions are very close apart because I don't want to stop the labor.  

I am hoping I have a good nurse on tonight.  I will find out within the next 30 to 40 minutes.  I want to get out of bed and walk around for a while to see if I can get things started again but it will depend on the nurse.  My legs are sore and so is my abdomen.  I am also exhausted from staying up all night in anticipation from last night.  Marty even stayed the night last night and left the dogs at home alone.  We never do that, ever!

So hopefully I will have a better update soon, like a delivery date, the weight and how many inches that baby is...Sorry I couldn't have been more entertaining today.  I don't feel like I have much humor left in me.  I am just so tired!

Another Day Passes, 11 More to Go

It's nearly 8:00 p.m. on Sunday evening as I am beginning to write this.  Another day has passed, and it's almost time for my "magic pills."  I had a better day today, as I was able to eat.  Hospital food actually tasted good today and I became thankful for the kitchen staff.  Marty did bring me blackened shrimp tacos from Taco Mesa which was good as well.  I even saved one for breakfast in the morning in case my mother flakes on me and isn't able to make it with the bagels and lox spread I asked for.  I have to have something to look forward too.  I ordered two english muffins for breakfast, so when all else fails in the kitchen toast is always good.  Most nurses have children here and they are able to work a toaster with success.

Jacky went to my mom's today to help with the bedding for our new guy.  It looks great and I am excited to see it in person.  We got the Pirates Cove bedding but it needed to be cut down to size.  We purchased a mini crib instead of the large cribs that turn into toddler beds and then into a regular sized bed.  Why pay more for a huge crib he is not going to even use.  Derek slept with me until he was 4.  

Derek has a trundle in his room so when the little guy does need to move into his room he can sleep on the bottom bed.  I have been looking into other options because a trip to the emergency room with a child who has a broken arm doesn't sound fun.  It's guaranteed to happen with boys in the house.  The little guy is going to try and climb the stairs and jump onto Derek, then he will fall and break his arm.  All of this will happen at the most inconvenient time and then the hospital workers will be asking questions.  We look like terrible parents and it's all really not worth it.  Needless to say, I've been looking into trundles without stairs to climb.  It just seems safer and one less thing to worry about! 

Hooray my evening nurse just came in and it's Sheila.  I love Sheila, you know why I love Sheila because she is wonderful.  When you ask for something she gets it, not in 20 minutes right then.  She doesn't wait, she doesn't get distracted, she is a woman on the run and makes sure she has everything she needs.  She is also a wonderful patient advocate!  She fought with a doctor when I got here about giving me better pain medication when I had abdominal pain in the beginning.  She is great!  When my food tray arrives in the morning, she will also ensure that it is delivered on time and still hot.  Tomorrow it won't matter because I ordered 2 english muffins, but on a day that I order sausage, because I am a carnivore, and she is working, it is actually hot.  I would compare her service to a cruise ship attendant who wants a good tip.  As my brother Erik always says, if they let my glass get empty they must not be interested in my money.  I find that amusing.  

So with that I will return to my Bones episodes and wait for my pills.  Sheila is probably pushing the other evening nurses out of the way to get to my medication.  She is really funny, and guess what, my water jug never goes empty when she is on duty.  No, it's constantly filled to the brim with fresh water and ice.  I always have a glass of ice on the side as well because I enjoy chewing on it, and cranberry juice in my refrigerator along with a couple of mini cartons of milk.  Also, she puts a nice stack of graham crackers by my bedside in case I get hungry and want to munch on something.  God I love my Sheila!  I shall take a photo of her before I leave and post in on this blog.  

12 Days Left

I am getting more and more nervous about the delivery these days.  I am remembering details about labor with Derek that I would have rather forgotten.  I have adjusted to life in this bed as much as I think I am going to but I still miss home.  Marty has been bringing videos of the dogs and Derek here from our Flip video camera which is kind of cool because I am able to see them.  It's also my way to check on the house considering at the moment it's just 2 boys living there.  The cleaning lady is coming by on Monday or Tuesday and she secretly reports to my mother about anything that needs to be done.  

Now that I have finished Dexter I have moved onto a new series Bones.  So far I think it's pretty good.  It's entertaining and the hours seem to be going by quicker.  I just began the series last night and have only watched 2.  The last two days I had excruciating pain in my abdomen where my appendix were and they thought I had appendicitis.  They ran test after test but none came back positive.  They kept me heavily drugged and I basically slept for 2 days.  I do have a calcium deposit in my appendix which could cause appendicitis, but it can also just exist and since I am not getting worse, rather I am getting better they ruled it out.  I still have a blood test this morning and I now see a general surgeon daily.  He is planning on making rounds here this week to make sure the symptoms continue to go away instead of get worse.  He presses in on my abdomen where it hurts and then asks if it hurts.  Apparently the tear drop that rolls down my face is not a good enough clue that it hurts.  

So other than that the baby looks great.  He has not been in distress even though his mother has been.  Instead he is enjoying an uncomplicated life in the womb.  That's about to change!  He is getting bigger but will probably only weigh about 4 lbs 5 oz to 5 lbs. max when he is born.  I ordered a bunch of preemie outfits to the house so he will have some clothes he can fit in and Marty put the crib together so we have a place to put him.  My grandma is getting the port a crib this weekend so slowly but surely we are getting things ready.  I am just going to order the car seat since they didn't have it in stock at the store so it will get shipped out tomorrow.  My shower is coming up on February 21st, so I think we are just going to wait to do more shopping until after the shower.  I can tell that Marty is getting really excited about the baby.  Nervous but excited.  He keeps telling people that we are a family of 3 today but in so many days it will change to 4.  I have informed him that most people are able to do simple math, but he insists on waving his arms around and doing the math for them.

Marty's birthday is on the 22nd of February so I am also trying to figure out what the hell to do for his birthday.  I think maybe we will go to dinner some place nice and take the baby and Derek.  I will have to ask Derek if he has mentioned anything he has wanted while I have been in the hospital.  Derek usually gets him a video game, and I over did it at Christmas and bought everything he thought of during the year.  He loves his Tommy Bahama and Nat Nast shirts so it may be time to do a little updating in his closet.

Well, I am going to take a nap.  They just gave me some pain medication through my IV which makes you feel a bit sleepy and I have been up since 6:00 am.  I have no idea why I got up, but I did and I made myself a bowl of cereal and updated this blog.  It's now nearly 7:15 so I think I will sing myself a lullaby and pass out.

  

15 Days To Go

15 days left until the delivery.  The days seem to all collide together now.  It's hard to believe that I have been laying here for 3 weeks.  I had a lot of contractions last night but after taking the Ambien and going to sleep they went away.  It was false labor.  My doctor's gut feeling is that I will be here until the 6th and everything will go as planned.  She say's she has been wrong before but she feels pretty good about this delivery.  She felt his butt today.  Unfortunately he feels breach but he could move and things could change.  They will do another ultrasound at the end of next week or the beginning of the following week to estimate his size again.  They haven't checked since the 2nd of January.  At that point they estimated 2 lbs. 10 oz.  They will then do another ultrasound on the morning of the 6th to see how he is positioned.  If his head is down they will go with a vaginal delivery, if he is positioned any other way they will do a c-section.

The problem with a c-section is the fact that I will be here for 4 more days following the delivery.  However if he is not ready to go home, it will make it easier for me to be here for him.   That's 4 more days of terrible food, regardless if I eat it I still have to order it and look at the damn tray.  Speaking of food, my mother is on her way with bologne sandwiches.  

I have decided that when doctors need to perform c-sections on their patients then they need to offer a tummy tuck package.  Wouldn't that be great?  You are already going to be sore after they cut you open and take the baby out, how much trouble could it be to pull some fat out and staple you shut?!  I would have loved to have bought into that package.

The Nordstrom Rack is busy today.  The parking lot is full and people are coming out with their shopping bags.  They don't look like they have been affected by the downfall of the economy.  I see the nurses walk across the street during their breaks to shop.  I see a lot of senior citizens who come from Laguna Woods in the parking lot too causing accidents.  It's quite entertaining. Then there is a security guard who drives around on a segway writing tickets.  When people get back to their car they get angry and usually slam their doors shut.  You aren't supposed to park in the mall parking lot and come to the medical towers or to the hospital.  It's mall parking only.  No one pays attention to the signs though, and they park there and walk across the street. There is a parking structure, but I believe you have to pay to park.

Well it's about time to shower and start Sex and the City.  I am disappointed that American Idol is done for the week.  I miss the 2 hour episodes 3 days a week.  It figures that the year they change it is the year I have to lay around for weeks on end.  At least the Office will be on tonight.  Anyway, thanks for listening.  If anything changes, I'll update the blog.

I have been laying in this hospital bed for 20 days now.  I have 16 days more to go for a scheduled induction or c-section depending on the baby's position.  I am still frustrated, and tired of being here but it has become a bit more tolerable.  Marty has been bringing meals twice daily.  It may be the reason I am a little less frustrated.  I also downloaded the first two seasons of Dexter on iTunes.  Nothing like watching a serial killer hunt his victims while you are laying in a hospital bed.  I was glued to my computer for 2 days, hence the reason I didn't write.  Season 1 on the first day, season 2 the second.  It was great!  I've also discovered movie rentals on iTunes.  Tomorrow's playlist consists of Sex and the City and Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns.  I can catch American Justice and Cold Case files in the morning prior to my movies.

I am the patient on bed rest who has been here the longest now.  When I first got here they would talk about the patients who have been here the longest and discuss what was wrong with them.  I guess I am the one they are talking about now.  I've been told that I am the lowest maintenance patient. Who would have thought that I would be the lowest maintenance patient?I may be the lowest maintenance patient for the nurses but I am a pain in the ass for my mother and husband.  They pick up the slack.

This evening I am having a lot of contractions.  The doctor is actually going to come in in a few minutes and possibly take a look.  They don't like to do exams on patients this early because it increases risk for infection, but there is a pattern of contractions right now and they are getting more painful.  The nurse gave me Ambien, my magic pill, to relax and hopefully to slow things down for a bit.  They won't stop labor if it is indeed beginning but they want me to be relaxed and Ambien is great for that let me tell you.

I have been getting clammy and nervous in the last few days.  Before I wanted him out but now I am getting anxious.  I am actually thinking of the aftermath.  It is scary after you push that baby out.  It's painful to walk for several days and instead of staying at home to take care of the baby, I will be making visits to the NICU with a sewed up vagina.  YUCK!  I have never forgotten that feeling.  Using that squirt bottle wasn't all that great.  I will be buying a few pairs of sweat pants when I get out of here.  They need a numbing medication for that area.

Well, I am beginning to feel magical so I am going to stop writing for now and get some rest in case I am in labor.  I'll update you again hopefully tomorrow.

Day 16

I feel all bruised and battered from my blood draws.  My arms look horrible where they continue to draw, and I hope it doesn't result in scarring.  The baby is good though!  He is already the mirror image of his father, he is warm and comfortable and determined to stay in my belly.  I have tried having conversations with him about how much better it will be on the outside, but he is not convinced.  Instead, he boxes the pads that are hooked up to the monitor and then takes a nap.  Fortunately I am a dead sleeper so when the "magic pill" kicks in at night I am out like a light and it doesn't matter what he does.  

I did the 4-d ultrasound and yet we didn't get a good look of him, so I wonder now what he looks like.  Erik my brother, thought he looked like a melted version of Marty.  He did have chubby looking cheeks, and he also had huge lips.  They didn't even look normal they were so big.  I wonder if it was the fact that he was still developing, or in fact if I am going to deliver a child who looks like an ape.  

People always say you look at your own children and think they are just so cute.  When Derek was born his nose was smashed.  Erik used to put his index finger on his nose and move it so it wouldn't be crooked.  He was worried he would have a crooked nose for the rest of his life.  On the other hand, he was rather amused because he thought he would have a reason to make fun of him.  Our family always seems to find someone with a huge or funny looking nose and then we have to talk about it.  I figured pushing a watermelon out of something the size of a lime had a little something to do with why his nose looked the way it did.  Other than that he was cute.  

So I wonder how this one will turn out?  I haven't seen many baby photos of my husband. In fact, I don't know that I have seen any.  Designer clothes can do a whole lot of good for unattractive people however.  No my husband is not unattractive but you have to cover your bases.  Especially babies, you can have one hell of an ugly baby but have one hell of an outfit and yet people will ignore the ugliness and say how cute the baby is because the outfit made the difference.  I hope people don't have to lie to my face and tell me I have a cute baby if he really isn't cute at all.  Do me a favor, just comment on the outfit and I will get the hint.  Oh, maybe you should wait until he reaches a descent gestational age before the commenting begins, because lets face it preemies are a little alien like.  They are tiny, you can see their little veins and they are all red.  Derek won't be able to hold back.  If he thinks the baby is ugly, he will just come out and say it.   For the rest of you, focus on the outfit.  He's 8, so he gets a break.

The one thing I don't look forward to hearing is if the baby does look like Marty I don't want to hear how much he looks like Marty.  I already know his mother is going to say that he is "daddy's little boy."  Not once, not twice, that is all this woman will say.  I know this because that is exactly what she said to his brother after his baby was born.  Only she was a girl.  All I would hear out of her mouth is, "are you daddy's girl, yes you are daddy's girl, you look just like daddy! Daddy, daddy, daddy!"  She is 1/2 cambodian 1/2 white and she looks absolutely nothing like her father and everything like her mother.  Hello, she is CAMBODIAN!  Duh!  She talks to her in that stupid tone people have with babies that gets so damn annoying.  The high pitched, you're an idiot tone.  After all women go through to have these babies, then we have to put up with stupid comments.  What we need is a remote to mute people.  I would love that, "oh, I am sorry I didn't hear you, what was that? :)"  

I don't know of any testing going on today.  The doctors wanted to give my arms a break from all the blood draws.  Instead, I am having my temperature taken every 3-4 hours, and my blood pressure monitored.  I had my morning cereal, and Marty brought me a bran muffin from Mimi's Cafe.  I wasn't always a fan of honey bran muffins, but throughout this pregnancy that is the one thing I have really enjoyed.  Who knows why?  Normally I would just eat some meat for breakfast.  This baby likes carbs.

The doctor has changed my orders to being able to shower daily now.  Woo hoo!  The problem is that when I shower the water makes this terrible terrible noise.  It's really loud, and you can hear it a few rooms over even.  There is something wrong and they haven't fixed it.  It's really annoying, but it keeps me within my time constraints.  I am only able to spend 3 minutes in there.

It's 8:15 am, I have finished breakfast and my nurse came in and told me I look bigger!  I hadn't seen this particular nurse in a week.  I was confused?  In fact, when she walked out of the room I said aloud, "I look bigger."  I have this mirror that stares back at me everyday and I look in it and I actually thought my face was smaller.  No, apparently I am bigger.  Well thanks!  That always makes you feel better, someone telling you that you have packed on a few extra pounds.

Perhaps I will write more later.  I have a busy day today.  I have to sit here all day!

Day 15

I had the privilege of beginning my day getting stuck with a needle at 5:00 am.  Followed by a terrible orange sugar drink, another poke of a needle an hour later, and yet another poke again an hour later, oh and one more an hour later.  4 blood draws in 3 hours and I had to fast.  They did a glucose screening today to test if I have gestational diabetes.  I was informed that I would fail, however I beat the odds and it turns out I didn't fail after all.   I eat pretty healthy and don't have much crap laying around.  My mom made me tapioca pudding like my Grandma Broadhead used to make.  It's wonderful!  I have jello, some pudding, popcorn and nuts laying around.  Oh, I also have Shredded Wheat which works wonders in the bathroom when you are constipated and on bed rest.  My wonderful husband just brought me some colby jack cheese sticks in last night as well.  Those are always good and they are full of protein.  I haven't eaten much junk since I have been here.

I took a Vicodin this morning during the fast.  I woke up with a headache, probably because they had to run this test and I was worried.  Vicodin on an empty stomach is never a good idea.  It's not that it is painful, it's that you get a very funny feeling.  It helped me sleep through all the nonsense though.  I need all the rest I can get since I have a baby on the way.  That and I am going to have to pump every hour and a half for the first few months because he won't be strong enough to latch on.

We haven't told anyone the name of the baby yet.  We are planning on sharing his name upon his birth of course.  We chose not to divulge the name because we really didn't want to hear anyone's opinion on the name.  I have been informed by the nurses that that was the best choice.  My grandma wanted me to name him James, after the father of her children.  No thanks, first off, I didn't know him very well and everyone thinks my brother Erik is just like him.  In case you didn't know, Erik was the biggest pain in the ass of a child you could ever imagine and I don't want to set myself up for a headache.  Please, I am already having a boy and I am raising a boy who is devilishly like Erik already.  Anyway, if you have had children than I am sure you have already been through this mess.  People ask, what are you naming him?  When I say we aren't sharing the name, they feel the need to make a few suggestions anyway.  I love it when they say, whatever you do don't name him so and so because I grew up with a kid who tormented me with that name.  

Fortunately, we have found a name that is different but not too creative that you would think, what the hell are you thinking?  It's a strong name that means Fierce and Brave.  

Dr. Rouse came into see me this morning, and she will be looking for an excuse not to deliver after 32 weeks.  This would mean after next Saturday, she would like to deliver him.  Dr. Raffo would prefer I get closer to 34 weeks, but Dr. Rouse is the Perinatologist and makes the final call.  Hooray!  This means I could have him next weekend which would be awesome.  Of course I could have him a bit sooner too if something went wrong.  After the delivery, I could finally go home!  I just won't be able to take my baby home.  I think I have prepared myself for this, but I am really not sure how I will feel after he is born.  He will have to remain in the NICU for 2-6 weeks depending on his strength.  They let you take the baby home when, he is breathing on his own, he is able to take full feedings with a bottle, he is putting on weight and keeping his temperature.  It looks like he is pretty good size for his age right now.  Weighing over 3 lbs. which makes a huge difference!  He will come home with some monitors, but that is not a big deal.  An alarm goes off if he forgets to breathe.  

Marty, my mom and I will all have to take a baby CPR class.  The nurses teach it in the NICU and certify you I believe.  They don't let you take your baby home until you are certified.  I am starting to get a bit nervous about it all.  

This still hasn't sunk in that we are having a baby.  Even being here on bed rest, feeling him move inside me and listening to his little heart beat.  I don't think I will actually believe it until he is born.  It just doesn't seem real.  I think after being told for so long that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant, and then going through a miscarriage just puts so much doubt in your mind.  It will take hearing him cry and seeing him for me to believe it.  

I still haven't bought anything for the baby!  Not a crib, a car seat, a baby blanket.  Oh wait a minute, I bought an outfit for him at Christmas time.  A girlfriend of mine Loressa picked up a few outfits for him as well.  I am going to send Marty to pick up the crib later in the week.  We did go pick one out already.  We are getting a mini crib because it will fit better in our room with our furniture.  I know which car seat I want as well and he can pick it up at Bergstroms while he is there.  My aunt is going to have a shower for me, but because I am in the hospital right now we can't really figure out a date.  We are going to wait until he arrives before she plans it so I can be there.

For dinner tonight Marty and Derek are bringing sushi.  I am getting pretty hungry.  We are going to watch Ace Ventura Pet Detective and Derek is going to have a sleepover at my mom's.  He is really excited.  He was supposed to have a sleepover here with me, but they don't let children stay the night because if there was an emergency with me I wouldn't be able to look after him.  I feel bad, I had told him he could stay.  He was looking forward to it as well.  Poor guy!  Tomorrow will be a busy day for him though, he is going to see the new dog movie with my mom and grandma.  He should have a great time.  

Well, I am going to enjoy my dinner and drugs for the evening and I shall write more tomorrow.  Maybe something exciting will happen like I will go into labor.  Marty will call if something happens.

Day 14

I am 30 weeks and 4 days pregnant, and stuck in a hospital bed on bed rest.  My water broke 2 weeks ago when I was only 28 weeks pregnant.  This usually results in a delivery within 24 to 48 hours, but not for me.  Of course not for me, instead I am considered a lucky one because my baby gets to continue to grow in the womb.  Now while most of you may think how lucky I am to have lasted this long, and while my doctors agree with you, I am tired of being here.  

Life in a hospital is not great, well the drugs are great and the rest of it pretty well stinks.  I have many visitors which makes it nice and makes me "not a loser."  Some women sit here alone for weeks on end, lonely, sad and suffering mainly from the disastrous food.  The cafeteria food is really miserable.  My family and friends have all been very supportive.  They bring me meals, snacks and they visit me often.  Unfortunately they will not bring me the one thing I do want, a fever or an illness.  If I could just get a fever the doctors would agree to take this baby out.  Oh call me selfish why don't you?!  I guarantee you you'd feel the same way sitting in this place.  

I don't have it as bad as some.  I have my own room with a view of all the "free people."  I am across from the Laguna Hills Mall.  What's frustrating is seeing all of the pregnant patients walk from their cars to their appointments and back to their cars to go home to their families.  Why didn't I get that lucky?  I had enough trouble trying to get pregnant.  In fact, I was told I couldn't get pregnant.  My chances were so low of having a healthy pregnancy that they have called this our miracle baby from the start.  So why on earth I was dealt this card is beyond me.  Oh I know what you are thinking, why can't I just be appreciative that I got pregnant?!  How could I be so selfish and not want to do this for my baby.  I thought those thoughts too when I would see the women around me get pregnant.  For 3 long years we tried and no luck.  I watched all the TLC baby shows and I would think how lucky and fortunate all those women were to get pregnant.  How dare they have any of these negative thoughts.  Until you are put in the situation yourself, it's easy to look down upon others and think how fortunate they are.  You always want what you can't seem to have, and I get it.  I really do get it!

This has been a long journey, and what is a month of my time considering I waited 3 years to get to this point?  These thoughts of rationalism go through my head.  I think about how beneficial it is for the baby to be inside of me instead of fighting for his little life on the outside world.  It's so easy to judge others.  It's so easy for others to tell me, "it's okay" and "think about how good this is for your baby."  I do think about how good it is for my baby, but that doesn't change the fact that I have another baby who is 8, and a husband and dogs and a house all that I feel obligated to take care of as well.   

Many of my friends have asked me to continue to write and keep them updated.  They enjoy the emails I have written, and some have even asked me to start working on a book because my story is actually worth telling.  One friend suggested I start this blog, on this website, and since I literally have nothing better to do I decided to take her up on the offer.  So this is the beginning of telling all about my frustration.  Maybe something will come of this?!  I do believe everything happens for a reason, and perhaps I am supposed to find myself here and begin writing my story.  I hope you enjoy my thoughts, and give me some time to work on this site as I figure it all out.